Intoxicated
by anja-boyce
Summary: Big is back in Manhatten and Carrie's life. Will he be back as a friend, foe or lover? After one comso's too many Carrie can't remember a thing. RR plze.
1. Carrie and Big

Disclaimer: I don't own Big or Carrie or anything from Sex in the City

Chapter 1

As Carrie walked down the street, Prada bag swinging she smiled to herself. It was a rainy night in the city. She was thinking of Big. He could not stand getting his hair wet. She remembered nights when they had ran hand in hand to get to her apartment because he couldn't stand it so much. There she was, holding her heels in her hand and splashing her feet through the streets. Not exactly the picture of New York elegance but she didn't care. They had not seen each other in about six months. She had missed him, but tonight they were meeting up in a trendy new bar for cocktails while he was in the city. 

She had already told herself that only two martinis were allowed. If she had anymore than that she would most likely be out of control of her actions and once again finding herself in Mr Big's strong arms. She could swear that Cosmopolitans unleashed something wild in her. She chuckled as she remembered the first time Charlotte had tried the martini. It was just becoming the fashionable drink to buy and Charlotte was desperate to try it but scared of the strong alcohol effects of it. She was a lightweight in those days. She took one sip and screwed up her face. "All I can taste is vodka!"

"Charlotte, honey, that is the point" Samantha stated simply before taking a big swig of hers. When Charlotte's first glass was finished, she was straight back to the bar for seconds and had her mind set on sampling more than just the martini list. She winked at the barman as she asked him for a flirtini. By the end of the night, she was taking him home for her first one nightstand. They were all 24, however Charlotte had always been the innocent one. "Well," Carrie thought, " It certainly unleashed the wild side of Charlotte and that is no mean feat.

As she entered the new bar, she saw Big sitting talking at the bar to one of the tenders. As always, he looked so sure of himself. He sat swirling his martini and popped the olive in his mouth. He looked refined but yet sexy. She bit her lip. Maybe she would need more than two martinis. She composed herself and strutted over to him. He smiled and winked when he saw her. They embraced each other delicately. "Missed you," he whispered gently in her ear and kissed her cheek. She smiled. There was a lapse in conversation. She had so much to say to him but yet didn't know where to start.

He seemed to be surveying her. She smiled awkwardly and asked the barman for a cosmopolitan. As she looked at the ground, she noticed and umbrella propped up on the bar. Smirking she remembered who she was talking to. It was her Big. She loosened up and didn't know why she had ever worried. She immediately started teasing him about the umbrella as they walked over to the table.

"What!" he exclaimed laughing, "Can't a guy want to look good to meet his favourite girl?"


	2. One cosmo too many!

Disclaimer: I don't own Big or Carrie or anything from Sex in the City

The conversation flowed from then on, as did the drinks. By kicking out of the bar time, she was well and truly intoxicated. She looked at him with slightly blurred eyes. "So, are you staying at mine, then?" A romantic invitation if ever there was one. He agrees but shakes his finger at her.

"I don't want any of your funny business. I'm going to sleep. I'm a busy man you know. Can't have you making me sleep in for my meetings"

Carrie laughs and grabs his finger to stop him shaking it. They gently kiss. Everything is spinning and Carrie is not sure if it is because of the alchohol or the effect of Mr Big. Intoxicated by Big, his sweet smelling cologne, the feel of the stubble on his cheek against hers and his hands were lightly touching her skin once more. Big separated from her and they started walking back to her apartment, hand in hand underneath his large, black umberrella.  

Carrie shakily tried to put her key in the hole. "Yip!" she thought. The seven cosmopolitans, five tequila slammers and two white Russians had definetly taken affect. 

Big sniggered at her and took control of her keys. He flicked the light switch on. She tumbled over to the bed and plonked herself down. Big started to loosen his tie. She watched him, taken in by his elegence even through her blurry eyes. 

"Come on, " she said

"Let me help you do that." She began to loosen the collar of his shirt. He shook his finger at her once more. "No, Carrie" he said in an assertive tone. She looked into his eyes. Was he joking? His tone seemed to suggest he wasn't. So, why did he come back?

"Excuse me!" Carrie exclaimed. "Umm, whats going on here….. with the….?" She replayed his finger wagging up at his face.

"I don't know Carrie, can't we just sit and talk? " He sighed. "Its been a while since I have seen you and I don't want it to be about sex!"

She felt crushed. He had turned her down. She felt like had rejected her. Her cheeks reddened. "Okay," she spoke cautiously "well, we will just sit here and have a drink and a chat." She grabbed a bottle of red wine from the shelf and two glasses.

He nodded ad gave her a reassuring smile, however in her drunken mind she couldn't help but think that all he needed was a little bit of loosening up. She patted for him to sit on the bed beside her. He sat down and she poured him a glass. They continued with their conversation at the bar. Big had been telling Carrie about a split up he had with an ex-girlfriend. She lit a cigarette as he explained how scared he had gotten when Lisa, his ex had told him she loved him. He explained to Carrie that he just couldn't give it his all. He told her how he just hadn't felt right about it and it had freaked him out.

She eyed his red wine and noticed that he was sipping it, whilst she couldn't help but gulp it down. She had passed the stage of no return. "So when did all this happen? Was this when you were younger?" she asked stupidly.

"Umm, no. I actually split up with her last week. " He looked like a lost kid. " I mean, we only went out for four months, but you get used to not being alone."

Carrie tried to look sad for him whilst again eying his glass. She rubbed his arm. "Want a top up?" 

"Nah, I'm fine her. Gotta have a clear head in the morning."

"Oh, okay," Carrie suddenly felt sleepy. She laid her head down in his lap and he began to stroke her head and run his hands through her curls. 

"You wanna know why we split up?" Carrie sleepily nodded her head for him to continue. "I couldn't get one of my ex-grilfriends out of my head! And she knew I couldn't,"

Carrie nodded sleepily and giggled. "So tell me, who is this luck lady? …… the one who could steal Mr Big mans heart?"

He smiled to himself. Her face was turned the other was as her head lay on his lap. She never saw his smile. "It was you Carrie" he stated quietly. He felt completely at ease with Carrie that night, though it may just have been because he had a sneaking suspicion she wouldn't remember in the morning. He realised he had gotten lost in his thoughts. He heard some light snoring and wondered if Carrie had even heard his answer.

He gently put her nightdress on her and eased her into bed. He got in beside her, kissed her cheek and leaned over and turned off the lights. In a surreal way, it seemed like they were a couple again. A part of him wondered if one day he would by lying next to his 56 year old wife named Carrie. He shook his head and laughed thinking the wine had had more of an effect than he thought. The light from the streets of New York shone on Carrie's face and he thought how beautiful she looked. He turned around to sleep. Mr Big was destined to be a bachelor for the rest of his days.

Hey, hope you enjoyed this chapter. The next chapter feature the morning after. Carrie wakes up with a hangover and minimal memory of the night before. Why is Big not answering his phone when she tries to call? Please review this chapter. I am keen to know if you are enjoying my story or not……. Thank you Carrie and Big fans for the last review! ;)


	3. Warm tea

Disclaimer: I don't own Big (though I wish I did!) or Carrie or anything from Sex in the City

Chapter 3

The next morning, Carrie woke with a blistering hangover. She rolled over and looked out of her window at the blue New York sky. The light almost blinded her. She scrunched up her eyes again and turned over wondering how much she had broken her two martinis limit last night. After lying for five minutes she somehow mustered the energy to reach towards the phone. She tried Big's mobile but the phone was ringing out. "Why isn't he answering his phone?" she wondered irritated. She was eager to find out what had happened last night after they left the bar. She couldn't remember how she got home. The night air must have hit her badly and she was positive she would have something to apologise about! Giving up on Big she phoned the girls quickly and asked them to meet her for lunch. She rolled back over to her other side, having lost all energy. She began wondering again what had happened the previous night. Okay, she was in the bar with Big, she had a few cosmos, and then she came home. "Okay, that's what happened isn't it?" she asked herself. Damn! Why couldn't she remember the walk back to her flat? She must have gotten fairly drunk. The hangover really said it all. She felt like her stomach had been cut open during the night and her skeleton had been replaced with a shaky old mans.

She suddenly heard a noise coming from her shower room. She flinched. There was that banging noise again. Reaching around on the floor she grabbed the first thing that came into her hands. Armed with last season's black, strapless Halo shoes, she was prepared for almost anything. However as she tiptoed into her bathroom she was certainly not prepared to see a tall, dark haired and handsome man. He was stood wearing only a towel around his waist and shaving in her bathroom.

"BIG!" She exclaimed. She was just about to ask what he was doing there when the thought occurred to her that obviously, they had slept together the night before. 

She quickly replaced her shock with a smile and pecked him on the cheek. "Good morning!" 

"Phew," she thought. That was an okay recovery. It would not do to let him know that she could not remember any of his previous night's performance in bed. As she headed towards the kitchen to make tea for them both, she wondered if you sleep with someone, but don't remember it does it still count in your heart? Well, she figured it was Big. She had definitely loved Big before. She had to admit, that she still loved him now. They were great friends after all. However, that still did not make it any weirder that they had had sex……that she couldn't remember.

She brought Big his black tea; he never really woke up in the morning till he had a mug. As she sat down next to him on the bed, she fixed his tie. He looked at her oddly. "It was a little squint "Big was silent for a second.

"Well, I've got to get going." He stated simply while standing up. Carrie frowned a little. He was acting weird. What had gone on last night? A horrible thought occurred to her that she had been awful in bed because of how drunk she was. She felt completely at a loss as to how to act, or what to say.

"Umm, okay. Well, I guess I'll just see you later." That was all she could think of to say. "When are you leaving the city?"

"About three o'clock today. I have to get an earlier flight than I first thought. So much work to do, you know?" 

Carrie only sighed quietly and nodded.

Big walked towards the door and Carrie remained seated on the bed. "So, will I see you anytime soon? Or will it be another six months?" she called.

He dropped his bag and walked over to Carrie. He was standing over her. "It was good to see you again," He patted her head. At that he collecting his bags from the doorway and exited the Carrie Bradshaw apartment leaving its inhabitant confused watching the door after him. The room was empty without his presence. His tea sat almost full and still warm and she could still smell his cologne.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

Okay guys, that's another chapter down. : 0…….totally shocked that I have actually written 3 chapters! Do you know in the time that I was supposed to be writing a 6000 report for college I have written 4200 words for fan fiction? My bad, anything for a distraction from college work. Hope you all enjoyed this chapter. In the next chapter Carrie spends the day confused about Big and what happened. Will she get her memory back? 


	4. A stranger?

Chapter 4

Later that afternoon Carrie was back in her comfort zone. Yes, it was lunch with the girls in Regis, their favourite restaurant. As she recounted her last twenty-four hours to her friends, well, what she could remember of it, she looked around at their reactions. Charlotte was sat looking concernedly at Carrie, unable to touch her food. Miranda was looking a little scary. Carrie knew that she'd be upset with her for once again going back to Big. There was a second of silence from her friends at the end of her story, which was soon broken by an outburst of laughter from Samantha. Carrie laughed too suddenly seeing light of the situation. 

"Samantha!" scolded Charlotte. "That's awful Carrie, so you really can't remember a thing?" Carrie shook her head.

"Why is it so awful? It's happened to all of us once in a while." Samantha laughed again. "It can't have been that memorable an event."

Carrie shook her head and giggled. "No trust me, a night with Mr Big is always memorable! I was just that drunk. What do I do now? He couldn't get out of my apartment faster. He said he had to leave the city early to get back to business."

"Honey," Charlotte rubbed Carrie's arm. "Maybe, he was just hung over. Maybe, he really did have to leave work early for business."

Carrie looked up. She was happy Charlotte was trying to reassure her but something just didn't feel right. There was something she wasn't remembering. 

"I know Char, it is possible. But, I don't know, there was just a funny atmosphere, you know? It wasn't the way it usually is between us. And now, what do I do? How do I behave when I see him again? God, what if I told him I loved him or something nasty like that" Carrie was horrified. That would explain why he had acted so strange!

Until this point Miranda had sat in silence, but she felt it was time to speak up." Carrie, you have to stop this."

Carrie looked at Miranda, it was clear she was trying to broach this subject delicately. "You're repeating history all over again. You have to stop letting Big get to you like this." 

"I'm not letting him get to me. It's just, I realise that I had sexual relations with him and now I can't remember a thing."

The waiter interrupted as he brought them another bottle of wine. He topped up Samantha's glass looking at her alluringly.

"Okay, so why should it bother you if you're over him?" Miranda exclaimed, too far into her rant to even notice a sexy waiter.

"It's not that it's bothering me all that much. We were friends before and I would like to know where I stand now. I don't want to lose a friend. Yes, he was a good friend."

"Carrie," Miranda said in a warning tone. "Don't you be falling for Big again?"

Carrie shook her head and laughed as if this was a stupid suggestion, but it wasn't. She had realised sitting at the table that she had never really got over Big. She would never say this to Miranda, too scared of the lecture she would get.

She decided to lighten the tone of the conversation. "No, I'm just bothered because if that was our, you know, final sex reunion after breaking up, I would like to have remembered it."

Miranda rolled her eyes and sighed. "Don't think I don't know what's going on in your head." She wiped her mouth with her napkin and began to collect her things. "Well, I've got to head off, meeting at four. See you girls later."

Carrie was slightly relieved she was gone. She was acting like her mother. She knew that now she could have a good chat with Charlotte and Samantha, and get some proper advice. 

"Hmmm, I think you should phone him right now, tell him you're coming to visit him this weekend and make sure you remember the sex this time!" Yip, a girl could always count on Samantha for some useful advice. The three of them giggled.

"Samantha's right, well sort of, you should phone him and ask him what's going on." Suggested Charlotte. This seemed like a scary idea. He hadn't been in the best of moods this morning and she felt it would be better to leave it a day or two. Maybe Miranda was even right.

"Anyway, listen to me! I have been rattling on about all my problems for the past hour. Lunch is over and I haven't heard what is going on with you guys."

Samantha smiled coyly. "There's not much to tell, but just let me say that our waiter is getting a big tip today." She winked at him as he walked past. The three of them knew what Samantha would be doing that night.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

The next day Carrie walked down the street alone on route to the dry cleaners. She looked around her. She realised there were so many attractive males just walking along the streets of Manhattan. You could tell they were successful too with their posh suits on. So why was it, when she was surrounded by so many eligible men was she walking down this street single at her age? Why was it that surrounded by all of these handsome males, she could only think of one? A man who was currently living in another city. A man who had always been unwilling to commit. He was out of her reach in more ways than one. It wasn't only miles that kept them apart.

She snapped out of her daydreaming at the sight of one male who from behind looked similar to Mr Big. Confused she walked a little faster. "It couldn't be him" she thought "he left the city early yesterday." The man was walking briskly and she ran slightly to catch up with him. She knew the second she was behind the man that he was no stranger to her. She could smell his cologne. So, Mr Big had lied to her. She felt slightly hurt and was unsure whether to tap his shoulder or turn around and forget about him. She could always wait to see if he called her. That would have been the sensible option but something else always compelled Carrie to hold on to him. She tapped his shoulder. She couldn't let him walk away.

Does anyone else find that writing stories is much more difficult the further you get into them. I always think that the first chapter is the easiest! Anyway, think this story only has a couple of chapters left til the end, so keep reading and reviewing!


	5. Mr Big Liar

Chapter 5

Big spun around at Carrie's touch and they were face to face. She raised her eye brow at him? He looked slightly perturbed. " Hey hon, how's it going?"

She decided to keep things light hearted. There was always an explanation in these circumstances, and she had learned through past experiences to not fly off the handle.

"Things are good. What about you, Mr Big Liar?"

Big just shrugged moodily. "Yeah, busy day. I got lots of work."

Carrie responded in a second, unable to control the anxious tone of her voice. "You told me you were leaving the city today. You told me that you were travelling back for work!" She searched his face for a response. He was acting so aloof. It wasn't Big's style to make up excuses for his wrong behavior, so she knew he wouldn't tell her why he had lied.

"Look, can we go for a coffee?" She asked. "I wanna see you again before you leave."

Big smiled at Carrie gently. "I'm sorry, course we can. I'm just a little stressed about work right now. I shouldn't be taking it out on you." Carrie only felt slightly comforted by this. She sensed that there was more to his behavior. She knew it was about her. Something had happened that night that she couldn't remember that had scared him, she was sure of it. She assumed that she had said that she loved him.

As they sat for coffee, they discussed everything but their relationship. However, all the time Carrie fretted over the very thought of telling Big she loved him. She could have kicked her drunken self! The one cardinal rule of knowing Big is to not let him know how much she needed him. Had she not learnt that yet?

Big seemed to have cheered up a little and was talking to her like nothing had happened, just like old friends, or even like work mates. Not speaking about anything too personal, he kept the conversation light.

"This is it, " she thought. "This is how it is always going to be." She decided then that she would have to settle for friendship. She believed that either Big would never open his heart to any girl, or she just wasn't the right girl for him. 

They began to chat about music. One thing they had always shared was there taste in music. He was a big fan of all the old classic as was she. 

"Hey, it turns out I'm going to be in the city for another couple of nights. Do you know what we should do tonight?"

Carrie was taken aback. What was it with Big? Mr split personality? And what made him so certain she didn't have plans already that evening. 

"We should go to Bar Bliss,"

"Oh, should we now?"

"Yeah!" he exclaimed enthusiastically. "The music's great, they have this brilliant piano player and his music Carrie, its all the oldies, everything we like."

Carrie was reminded of Miranda's words. She was in danger of repeating history if she went to Bar Bliss with Big. He would inevitably lure her into a false sense of secuirity, she would fall for him all over again and he would get scared and push her away once again.

"Sorry, I'm going out with the girls tonight." She took a deep breath, proud of the step towards freedom she had taken.

"Even better, " he replied. "A night out with the girls is just what I need." He laughed.

"Ummm well, if you're sure you don't mind going out with the girls."

"Carrie! You know I love to keep up with all the girl chat."

She decided it wouldn't be such a bad idea. It didn't mean she was opening her heart to him again. It was simply a gathering of friends.

"Ok, that sounds like a good idea." 


	6. Sissy Bradshaw

That evening it all seemed to be going well Carrie reflected. Apart from the odd warning look from Miranda, Big and her friends were as usual getting on well. She looked on at him chatting to the girls. This was Big the performer. The Big who excelled in social situations, charming the kitten heels off of Samantha and Charlotte. Carrie couldn't help thinking how confident and sexy he looked. She only realised she had been staring at him for two long when he flashed a look in Carries direction. He quickly avoided her eyes.

Frustrated she again kicked herself for whatever she had said when she was drunk. The bar was bustling with trendy, new kids to the party scene. In many of the girls she could see her 21-year-old self, fresh to the dating scene, optimistic and not looking for anything special. There was plenty of time for that. Carrie began to ponder whether much had changed for her.

A girl squealing with excitement interrupted her thoughts.

"CARRIE BRADSHAW!!"

"Oh my God, Sissy Bradshaw. Look at you. Here in New York?" Carrie embraced her younger cousin happy to see her. She had last seen her a few years back when Sissy wasn't legally even allowed to drink in bars. Carrie had sneaked her into one with her own id. She kind of enjoyed being the cool cousin showing her the ways and cosmopolitans of New York. Sissy had always said Carrie was her role model.

"Yeah, I'm working up here now. I fell in love with New York when you took me out." 

"That's really good to hear. We'll have to go out for lunch some time soon. Sit down, sit down." Carrie motioned for her to pull up a seat.

"So tell me... how have things been with you? How's your love life? These days I hear most of your gossip from your article!"

Carrie looked over at Big hoping he wasn't paying attention to the conversation. He wasn't looking at them but she had a feeling he was listening. 

"You know, all quiet. I'm loving the single life." She boasted masking her true feelings. To everyone else but those who new her best, she was independent, single and loving it Carrie. She didn't need a man. 

Sissy gave her an odd sort of smile. Was it sympathy? Carrie felt herself getting a little defensive. 

"So, tell me about your love life!!" she decided it was best to turn this conversation around briskly.

Sissy bit her lip and smiled "Well, I have the best news…", pausing dramatically.

"She's met a new guy," Carrie thought. "Probably her first serious relationship. How cute," 

An attractive male behind Sissy suddenly caught Carrie's eye. Just as she was about to point him out she realised he was approaching their table.

"Good timing!" exclaimed Sissy. "Carrie, I want you to meet my fiancé." She was beaming.

Carrie almost spat out, "Your too young." But fortunately she caught herself in time.

"Congratulations" she said through a fixed smile, shaking his hand as Sissy introduced them. What was going on? Her 22 year old cousin was getting married. And there Carrie sat alone with the closest thing she'd had to a long-term relationship sitting across the table unable to commit to a desert never mind marriage. The brutal truth of the matter was that she was getting old, single and desperate. She wondered where the Carrie had gone who gave her cousin advice about boys. She felt a panic rising in her throat. 

"Excuse me, I need to get some air," She ran out of the bar and inhaled the fresh air. As she sat down on the sidewalk she held her head in her hands. She heard someone sitting down beside her and then felt an arm around her shoulder. 

"Honey, what's going on?" 

It was Miranda.

At the sight of her friend Carrie's composure left her. "I'm going to end up alone. An old spinster. I'll be the weird old woman, standing at the bar, drinking martini's alone and talking to herself."

"Oh, come on, you know that isn't true. I'll be right there beside you checking out the barman."

Carrie giggled slightly.

"Seriously Carrie, you've got plenty of time to find the right person."

"Miranda, the only man I want is Big."

"You don't know that yet. You haven't sampled them all."

Carrie giggled. It began to rain. "C'mon lets get back in. We're going to end this night in style."

"I'm not in the mood anymore."

"Yes, you are. I'm buying you a cosmo and stop being so melodramatic. You're only 34 for crying out loud, you're not 50 yet. Hell, you're younger than me!!" 

Carrie smiled sheepishly and walked back into the bar. One happy thought was with her. She knew her friends would always be there for her. 

********Okay, I know it's been a long time coming but that was chapter 6. Stay tuned for 7…the finale!!! 


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